Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
