good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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