dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
