Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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