is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
