i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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