My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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