well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
