i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
