if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
