I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
is that a dick in a sweater?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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