alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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