There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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