hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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