Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
