Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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