dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
