Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it's like iHOP with fire
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
