Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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