i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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