You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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