hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
