i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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