Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
