I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
