Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
