ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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