Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
