Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
