she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
