Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
