Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
