Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
