you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
