god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
