Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
even my farts smell like vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
