I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
