Porn is love you can see.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
