God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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