Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
