He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
