Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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