In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
