Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
