Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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