bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
