Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
