It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
