On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Soap is not a condiment
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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