if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize