loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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