I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
