He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
