so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
