You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's just like the Real World with babies
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
