I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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