Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
