i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
