yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
