I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
