I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
