am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize