Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
