I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
