Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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