Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
