I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
