I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
