yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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