I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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