Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
