Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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