so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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