The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
