So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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