Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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