He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
