too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
