I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
