Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need an iv and a liver transplant
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
