I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
