what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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