I wanna passion pit in your ass
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize