I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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