just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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