The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize