Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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