Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
