Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
