i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
