Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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