I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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