It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
