I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
