Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
