So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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