you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize