were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
