so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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